Ficlet: Outside the Box
Jan. 9th, 2009 04:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
girlpirei've never posted human au before. it's really short, loosely based on actual events from when i was in high school. i had to take a little break from "terror on the persephone," so i just jotted this down. i've got a ton of these little things in my head and they're really quick to write down, so i'll probably be posting more like this.
Title: Outside the Box
Rating: R
Warnings: Teenage boys acting like teenage boys.
Disclaimer: This ficlet is based on the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" television series, with which I am not affiliated in any way.
Word Count: 810
Summary: "We have got to put something in there."
*
Outside the Box
*
"We have got to put something in there."
Angel, Spike, Riley, and Oz were kneeling beside the couch, staring down at Xander Harris' sleeping form, his head tilted back and his mouth wide open. The five teens were at Oz's house for the night with their sleep gear spread out all over the living room, and Xander had been the unfortunate first to fall asleep. Even more unfortunate was the position he'd fallen asleep in.
"I mean, we have to," said Angel reasonably, staring down at Xander's parted lips. "There's no way we can just... not put something in there."
The boys stared into Xander's mouth.
"It's true," Oz agreed. "The situation calls for action."
"We've got more pretzels," Riley suggested. "Or, hey, we could squirt in some Easy Cheese."
"No," said Spike, shaking his head decisively. "Too easy. Food's the obvious thing, innit?"
"Then what?"
The teenage boys continued to stare. Xander went on sleeping peacefully, unaware of his audience. That mouth, wide open.
"There's so many possibilities," said Angel. "I can't think of just one thing."
"Gotta be somethin' outside the box, like," said Spike seriously. "Opportunity like this, we've got to do it justice."
Riley stood up. "Camera," he said. He walked away, then came back, cell phone in hand. There was a clicking sound as he took a picture of Xander's face. "Good lighting in here," he mused.
"Got it," said Spike suddenly. "Somebody's balls."
Angel and Riley both shot surprised glances at Spike. "What?" said Angel. "Did you just say someone's balls?"
"Okay, I'm not doing that," Riley said. "That's sick."
"Someone's got to do it," Spike said, still staring down at the sleeping boy. "It's got to be done. For the sake of all that is good in the world, this must happen."
Oz looked thoughtfully down at Xander's mouth. Finally, he nodded. "I agree. It's simple, but makes a powerful statement. I like it." He turned to the others. "Volunteers?"
"If you like it so much, why don't you do it?" asked Angel.
"I provided the venue."
"Well, I'm not doing it," said Riley. "I'll be camera guy."
Angel and Spike looked at each other. "Paper, rock, scissors?" said Angel.
Spike nodded. "Loser teabags Harris," he said. "Count of three. One, two, three."
Angel chose paper. He always chose paper because Spike always chose rock, so of course he won. Relieved, he gestured toward Xander. "Alright, Spike. Go for it."
As Angel and Oz scooted out of the way, Spike got to his feet and pulled his pajama pants down. Soon, the four boys were crowded around the end of the couch, watching eagerly as Spike, one hand covering his soft penis while his lightly haired balls hung down, approached Xander's face with its open target. Riley had the phone aimed so that Xander's face and Spike's crotch were in the frame together.
Just before his balls touched the sleeping boy's lips, Spike hesitated and pulled back a little. "You don't s'pose," he asked hesitantly. "I mean, when he wakes with my tackle in 'is mouth, you don't s'pose he'll... bite down. Do you?"
As one, the other three boys shrugged.
"Right," said Spike, starting to lean forward again. "Make sure you get a good pic."
"Just do it already," said Riley, camera still aimed.
Spike took a deep breath, then suddenly went for it, plopping his balls down between Xander's wide open lips. All four boys burst into hysterical laughter as Xander's eyes opened in sleepy confusion. Riley snapped the picture.
Then, in an abruptly alert panic, Xander's arm flailed out and pushed Spike's belly hard enough to knock the blond boy back on his ass. Spike was still on the floor laughing with his pants around his knees as Xander jumped off the couch and turned to face the other three, frantically wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "Dude, what the FUCK?" he demanded.
Oz was biting his lip, failing to appear innocent, as Riley and Angel continued to laugh so hard they couldn't say anything. Spike hitched up his pajama pants, still snickering from the floor.
"You guys are assholes," Xander said. He turned to leave the room. "I'm gonna go brush my teeth."
This set the boys off on another, harder round of laughter.
Riley finally calmed down long enough to look at the picture before grinning widely and shoving the phone under Angel's nose. "Check it out," he said.
As Angel peered down at the little screen, he started laughing again. He held up his hand, and Riley gave him five.
"Wait, lemme see it," said Spike, coming around the couch. He and Oz bent over the phone at the same time to look. "Oh, that's brilliant," he laughed delightedly. Spike quickly texted the picture over to his own phone. "That's so going on Facebook."
*
Title: Outside the Box
Rating: R
Warnings: Teenage boys acting like teenage boys.
Disclaimer: This ficlet is based on the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" television series, with which I am not affiliated in any way.
Word Count: 810
Summary: "We have got to put something in there."
*
Outside the Box
*
"We have got to put something in there."
Angel, Spike, Riley, and Oz were kneeling beside the couch, staring down at Xander Harris' sleeping form, his head tilted back and his mouth wide open. The five teens were at Oz's house for the night with their sleep gear spread out all over the living room, and Xander had been the unfortunate first to fall asleep. Even more unfortunate was the position he'd fallen asleep in.
"I mean, we have to," said Angel reasonably, staring down at Xander's parted lips. "There's no way we can just... not put something in there."
The boys stared into Xander's mouth.
"It's true," Oz agreed. "The situation calls for action."
"We've got more pretzels," Riley suggested. "Or, hey, we could squirt in some Easy Cheese."
"No," said Spike, shaking his head decisively. "Too easy. Food's the obvious thing, innit?"
"Then what?"
The teenage boys continued to stare. Xander went on sleeping peacefully, unaware of his audience. That mouth, wide open.
"There's so many possibilities," said Angel. "I can't think of just one thing."
"Gotta be somethin' outside the box, like," said Spike seriously. "Opportunity like this, we've got to do it justice."
Riley stood up. "Camera," he said. He walked away, then came back, cell phone in hand. There was a clicking sound as he took a picture of Xander's face. "Good lighting in here," he mused.
"Got it," said Spike suddenly. "Somebody's balls."
Angel and Riley both shot surprised glances at Spike. "What?" said Angel. "Did you just say someone's balls?"
"Okay, I'm not doing that," Riley said. "That's sick."
"Someone's got to do it," Spike said, still staring down at the sleeping boy. "It's got to be done. For the sake of all that is good in the world, this must happen."
Oz looked thoughtfully down at Xander's mouth. Finally, he nodded. "I agree. It's simple, but makes a powerful statement. I like it." He turned to the others. "Volunteers?"
"If you like it so much, why don't you do it?" asked Angel.
"I provided the venue."
"Well, I'm not doing it," said Riley. "I'll be camera guy."
Angel and Spike looked at each other. "Paper, rock, scissors?" said Angel.
Spike nodded. "Loser teabags Harris," he said. "Count of three. One, two, three."
Angel chose paper. He always chose paper because Spike always chose rock, so of course he won. Relieved, he gestured toward Xander. "Alright, Spike. Go for it."
As Angel and Oz scooted out of the way, Spike got to his feet and pulled his pajama pants down. Soon, the four boys were crowded around the end of the couch, watching eagerly as Spike, one hand covering his soft penis while his lightly haired balls hung down, approached Xander's face with its open target. Riley had the phone aimed so that Xander's face and Spike's crotch were in the frame together.
Just before his balls touched the sleeping boy's lips, Spike hesitated and pulled back a little. "You don't s'pose," he asked hesitantly. "I mean, when he wakes with my tackle in 'is mouth, you don't s'pose he'll... bite down. Do you?"
As one, the other three boys shrugged.
"Right," said Spike, starting to lean forward again. "Make sure you get a good pic."
"Just do it already," said Riley, camera still aimed.
Spike took a deep breath, then suddenly went for it, plopping his balls down between Xander's wide open lips. All four boys burst into hysterical laughter as Xander's eyes opened in sleepy confusion. Riley snapped the picture.
Then, in an abruptly alert panic, Xander's arm flailed out and pushed Spike's belly hard enough to knock the blond boy back on his ass. Spike was still on the floor laughing with his pants around his knees as Xander jumped off the couch and turned to face the other three, frantically wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "Dude, what the FUCK?" he demanded.
Oz was biting his lip, failing to appear innocent, as Riley and Angel continued to laugh so hard they couldn't say anything. Spike hitched up his pajama pants, still snickering from the floor.
"You guys are assholes," Xander said. He turned to leave the room. "I'm gonna go brush my teeth."
This set the boys off on another, harder round of laughter.
Riley finally calmed down long enough to look at the picture before grinning widely and shoving the phone under Angel's nose. "Check it out," he said.
As Angel peered down at the little screen, he started laughing again. He held up his hand, and Riley gave him five.
"Wait, lemme see it," said Spike, coming around the couch. He and Oz bent over the phone at the same time to look. "Oh, that's brilliant," he laughed delightedly. Spike quickly texted the picture over to his own phone. "That's so going on Facebook."
*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-01-09 10:33 am (UTC)(Also - HELLO! I'm sorry I've been so un-commenty, but RL is being a bitca. Have been reading though.)
no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 01:24 am (UTC)the fact that it's based on real events makes my head boggle.
you did used to be a teenager, right?
no subject
Date: 2009-01-09 12:28 pm (UTC)Oh I love Human AU stories where they're teenagers.
Lol boys!
That was very very funny honey! And I just loved the dialogue, I could just see the whole scene so vividly ;) hehe
Thanks for the laughs hun! Always such a pleasure to read a new story form you :)
i'll probably be posting more like this.
*does the dance of joy*
xoxoxo
no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 01:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-09 01:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 06:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-09 03:49 pm (UTC)"I provided the venue."
*snorfle*
Oz is always so reasonable!
no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 06:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-09 05:23 pm (UTC)I covet this for the archive, but I won't actually ask because I know your policy. *smooch* I just thought I should let you know that I am covetous, haha. it's like...extra fb or something.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 07:07 am (UTC)and thanks for the extra fb! it's cool to know people like stuff enough to want to put it up somewhere else.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-09 05:59 pm (UTC)That's so going on Facebook.
*giggles more* Because, yes. Hee!
no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 07:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 07:08 am (UTC)the next one has lindsey in it.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-09 07:08 pm (UTC)Thanks for making me laugh. I'm sure my brain will slide by this scenario several time and I'll be grinning all day.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 07:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 12:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 07:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 06:15 am (UTC)Love to see *that* photo.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 07:18 am (UTC)glad you liked it!
no subject
Date: 2009-01-10 07:41 pm (UTC)LMAO. BtVS teabagging. And why isn't there more of it, hm? Also the comedic timing on that was great. Spike's funny. We all know that. But occasionally his quick wit and brash humor fall by the wayside in favor of his sexuality or empathy or victimization or whatever. I do love it when a writer gives Spike a chance to put that candor to good use and spin it into comic relief.
He always chose paper because Spike always chose rock
Tell me, am I reading way too much into the symbolism of this? Cause I do that. Things just get way more interesting with meta.
This was hilarious and all around entertaining. I think we all knew someone like that in high school. And on a TMI note, it's not just guys that do shit like that. I was on a camping trip in middle school, so I was maybe 12. I was rooming with 6 other girls. There were only 6 beds though so a friend was sleeping in bed with me. I remember turning over in the middle of the night and could just make out three of the girls crouched down on the floor by the bunkbeds. Girl A had fallen asleep. Girl's B&C started giggling. To my horror, girl B took off her pajamas, straddeled girl A's face while Girl C tried to hold back her laughter, and queefed on sleepimg girl A's face. Like, numerous times. And she didn't wake up. I remember just watching until I finally turned back around, my bedmate snugly spooning me (er...) and thinking, "Just forget you ever saw this." I wonder what those three are up to now.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-11 09:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-08 09:07 pm (UTC)THIS - was hilarious!