Terror Aboard the Persephone (part 9)
Jul. 13th, 2009 06:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
girlpireTitle: Terror Aboard the Persephone! (Part Nine)
Author: girlpire
Rating: PG-13 (or FRT)
Characters: Angel, Spike, Gunn, Connor, Wesley, Xander, Riley, and Kate, plus more OC's than you will probably be comfortable with.
Disclaimer: This story is based on the "Angel" series, with which I am not affiliated in any way. Joss Whedon is my master, etc.
Distribution: Please do not archive this story anywhere.
Summary: A series of highly improbable coincidences aboard a cruise ship makes stopping this particular apocalypse a bit more complicated than usual for the fang gang.
Author's Notes: This story takes place at some ambiguous point during season five of AtS. Spike is solid, Connor doesn't know who Angel is, and Xander is both-eyed and didn't participate in the BtVS comics. The entire fic spans the course of about five hours.
[Part 1]
[Part 2]
[Part 3]
[Part 4]
[Part 5]
[Part 6]
[Part 7]
[Part 8]
***
Terror Aboard the Persephone!
Part Nine
***
This, it occurred to Angel, had to be the most ridiculous situation that he'd ever accidentally gotten himself into. Unless he counted the time he'd ended up on a boat naked, which had been marginally more ridiculous but significantly more fun. But he wasn't counting that time. (Or the time before that.)
Trying desperately to ignore the fact that there was a whole room full of people watching him, Angel once more attempted to dart off the stage, only to be stopped yet again by a gaggle of chorus girls, all bright smiles and shiny outfits and big feathery fans. He halted before he accidentally slammed into one of them, did an awkward side-step to avoid her, and then found himself being pushed backwards by two guys in short toga outfits. When the back of his knees bumped into something, he sat down on it abruptly, glaring at the man to his left. The glare was interrupted when a gong sounded and the thing he was sitting on was suddenly hoisted into the air.
Angel reflexively clung to the armrests of the elaborate chair as the ground zoomed away from his feet. Using two long poles connected to the sides of the chair, eight toga-ed men balanced the surprised vampire on their shoulders. They marched him steadily around the stage as the music changed to something a little slower and more lilting than the opening number had been. The chorus girls began to sing sweetly about being jealous of the king's new bride, although Angel noticed that one blonde in a red sequined dress appeared to be just as determined to leave the stage as he had been. And she was having about as much luck.
Over his shoulder, he glimpsed the woman being (gently) forced backward into a chair similar to his own and then hoisted up by eight more men. He lost sight of her as their respective chairs were marched in opposite directions on the stage, but at a particular cue in the music, they were turned to face each other. Angel's mouth dropped open when he saw her face.
The girl was a dead ringer for Kate Lockley.
Unless... oh. It was Kate Lockley.
Even from across the large stage, he could tell from her expression that she was shocked to see him there. Well, why shouldn't she be? He was sort of distantly glad that she hadn't pegged him for a secret musical stage actor. "Angel!" she called across the stage, frantically waving. Then she looked around, seeming to take in the set and the dancers and even the audience sitting in the darkened ballroom before glancing at him again. "Angel?" she asked uncertainly.
The chairs began moving toward each other as the music continued. "Ate," he acknowledged, lifting his hand in a little, embarrassed wave. His throat burned at the attempted K sound. He was going to add, "Fancy meeting you here," but didn't want to sound too cliché after having not seen her for three years. And 'fancy' would have come out 'fanny,' which was simply inappropriate.
She didn't appear to notice the way he said her name. "Angel," she said urgently. "I've got to talk to--" She attempted to go to him, almost falling out of the chair as if she'd forgotten she wasn't on the ground. She scrambled back up, then said in a very loud whisper, "I've got to talk to you!"
"Um," he said. "Maybe later? You know, when we're..." He jerked a thumb backward to indicate the offstage area. Hopefully, the two of them would be able to escape that way soon.
The chairs hadn't quite come even with each other yet. The dancing girls were still singing and leaping gracefully around them. "It's important!" Kate insisted. "There's a vampire!"
"A vampire? Where?" Angel frowned, his eyes darting around the stage.
"Not here, but I saw him! He's naked." She waved her stake at him. "I've been trying to slay him, but I can't find him anywhere. He might be wearing a skirt."
A naked vampire on a boat. Like that was a new one. Angel briefly wondered if this vampire were having more fun than he was, but then he reasoned that every single person on the entire ship was having more fun than he was. The skirt part was interesting, but irrelevant. "I'll help you find him," Angel promised, "but firt we have to..." He jerked his thumb back again, indicating the stage exit behind him.
Kate looked at his hand. "Hitchhike?" she guessed.
"Get offtage. You know, ehape?" Damn it, he couldn't say escape.
As soon as the chairs were even with each other in the middle of the stage and their two occupants were sitting almost side-by-side, the men in togas began turning in a circle, slowly rotating Angel and Kate as they faced each other while the wedding song went on. Kate shook her head. "No, I don't know Ehape. I just know Steve." She suddenly reached out and grabbed Angel's arm as something occurred to her. "Steve's a terrorist!" she exclaimed. "We have to stop him!"
"Teve a what? Terrorit?"
"Terrorist!" Kate hissed. She looked at his mouth funny.
"On the boat?" asked Angel.
Kate nodded urgently. "He's got his dangerous terrorist weapons stashed all over the place. I found two bags full of guns!"
Well, that was troubling. "I found a bag of gun too," Angel told her. This situation was a lot more serious than he'd thought. First those blue-haired demons and their apocalypse, then compulsory dancing in sequins, and now terrorists on the boat? He had to save these people. Good thing he'd found an ally. Although... He sniffed. "Are you drun?" he asked Kate.
She was looking at his lips. "Angel," she said slowly, "why are you talking like that?"
***
Spike dashed around another corner and scanned the hallway. Deserted. Where did that bloody thief get to now? He was positive the kid was wearing his duster, and once he got his hands on that bleeding little--
A door. Perhaps he'd run through there? Wasting no time, Spike threw open the door and charged into... the dark. But there were people standing around quietly, all looking in the same direction as though hypnotized. Curious, he went over and took a peek. They were looking out onto a stage. He was behind a sodding stage.
In the wings beside him, there was a group of men in togas intent on the action, awaiting their cue. Spike blended in almost perfectly, the only difference being that his toga had gold sequins all over it while their costumes were plain white. And he was wearing his boots, of course. He almost turned to leave, then changed his mind and addressed one of the men. "Hey," he said. "You didn't happen to see a boy back here, 'bout my size, looks... whatchacallit... androgynous?"
The young man raised his eyebrows at Spike, then glanced around at the rest of the toga wearers. Noticing that they all more or less fit that description, Spike added, "He's wearing leather. Black leather. Kid stole something of mine and I'm looking to get it back."
"Sorry dude," the young man said. He glanced down at Spike's sequins. "You the replacement Hermes?"
"The what?" said Spike.
"Man, Steph's been freaking out," the guy confided in a whisper. "Phil keeps hurling all over the place. I didn't even think he had an understudy. I've never seen you at practice, have I?"
So this kid thought he was... oh. Right, because of the dress. "Listen, mate," Spike said, "I'm only wearing this tiny sheet 'cause of a madwoman and a thieving wanker, so--"
Just then, all the men around them began to leap gracefully out onto the stage. Spike quickly ducked to miss a dancing man's flailing arm and gave the retreating figure an affronted glare.
"Shit!" the kid he'd been talking to hissed. "We missed our cue. You're supposed to be in front! Come on!"
"What? No, I'm--" Spike protested, still trying to avoid the dancers dancing past him. But the kid grabbed his arm and yanked hard, leaping more frantically through the group of togas than the surrounding dancers in order to make it to the front of the group with Spike in tow.
Thrown helplessly off-balance by this surprise attack, and reflexively leaping a little himself to keep up with the kid that had hold of him, Spike was unwillingly dragged out onto the stage.
***
"And you're quite sure it's Angel?" Wesley's disbelieving voice asked Gunn for the second time.
"It's him, Wes," Gunn said, staring in fascination towards the stage, where Angel and the creepy cop lady were being paraded around on chairs in the air. "Known the guy for a long time, pretty sure I'd recognize him anywhere."
"And you say he's... dancing... with Kate Lockley?"
"Well, I wouldn't exactly call it dancing," Gunn replied, watching as Kate grabbed Angel's arm and mouthed something to him in earnest. He, of course, couldn't hear what she was saying over the music. "But they're definitely... performing. Costumes and everything."
"This is the same Kate Lockley who--"
"It's her," Gunn emphasized. Sequins or not, he'd never forgotten a cop's face.
Wesley cleared his throat. "Well, that's... unexpected," he said.
"You believe me, right, Wes?"
"Of course. It's just very... difficult to, ah--" He paused. When he spoke again, Gunn thought he sounded like he was smiling a little. "You know, I think I could tell you exactly what Cordelia would say in this situation."
"Yeah?" Gunn asked. "What's that?"
"I believe the phrase," answered Wesley, "is 'pics or it didn't happen.'"
Hearing those words in that accent made Gunn chuckle softly.
Wesley continued, "Reasonably, I can foresee moments during our acquaintance with Angel when photographic evidence of this particular hobby of his would be... beneficial. Can't you?"
"I'm on it," Gunn confirmed with an amused grin, pulling out his cell phone.
He'd snapped a couple of photos with the camera feature and was slipping the phone back into his pants pocket when there was a small disturbance at stage left. Gunn watched interestedly as a less-than-graceful male dancer was tugged along by another one through a synchronized group of toga-wearers and then thrust forcefully out in front of the others. The dancer seemed to be trying to turn around at the same time that he was pushed forward, so the end result was an ass-first stumble downstage, followed by a clumsy fall. The bleached-blond man landed on his butt in the middle of the stage as the audience laughed.
When the dancer looked out at the audience with a murderous and slightly confused expression, Gunn couldn't stifle his small shocked gasp at the familiar face.
"Gunn? Is something wrong?" said the voice in his ear.
Wide-eyed and not looking away from the stage, Gunn silently reached for his phone again.
***
"We need to get out of here," Angel whispered to Kate, glancing around the stage for an opening. He couldn't do a damn thing about the apocalypse, the terrorist, or the vampire from here. At least, that's why he told himself he was so desperate to get offstage. But there was no denying that all the attention was humiliating. He had no idea what he was supposed to be doing with his hands. "Do you thin you an jump?"
"What?" said Kate loudly. She was still studying his mouth. "Jump?"
"Jump down," Angel said, pointing at the floor. He was pretty sure she could do it; it wasn't too far away. Would be easier sober, though. "Jump, then run. That way." He pointed offstage. "Alright?"
Suddenly, the audience began to laugh. Angel wasn't sure what was so funny, but he tried not to let it distract him. He looked at Kate.
She nodded conspiratorially. "Jump. Run. Got it." She leaned forward and stared down at the ground between the shoulders of the men carrying her chair. She looked like she was concentrating pretty hard.
Angel sighed. Maybe he should just leave her here. At least she'd be safe. "On the ount of three," he said. "One--"
Kate jumped.
Well, she didn't so much jump as slide down and dangle for a moment before dropping to her knees on the floor, jostling the men in togas, who tried not to step on her. "Shit," Angel said, and leapt down from his chair slightly more gracefully, but still startling the men who'd been carrying him.
With a muttered apology, he hurried around the men in togas, ducking to try to glimpse Kate on the floor, and somehow found himself amid another group of synchronized dancers. Honestly! How many actors could fit on this stage at once? As he tried to dodge his way out, a brief mental image of a training gauntlet composed primarily of jazz hands distracted him just long enough for him to run smack into another man in a toga, and they both stumbled backwards from the impact.
Okay. That guy was out of formation. Caught halfway between a glare and an apology, Angel glanced up at the man's face. What he saw stopped him dead in his tracks. When the man looked at Angel, his own angry frown melted into a mirror of Angel's flabbergasted expression.
"Pie?" Angel squeaked in disbelief.
"Angel! What the bloody fuck--"
Before Spike could finish this question, Angel noticed out of the corner of his eye a frantic blur of red sequins running in their direction, gesturing wildly at Angel and screaming, "It's him! It's HIM!"
Stunned into immobility, Angel looked on in confusion as Kate Lockley launched herself several feet through the air and landed on Spike's back.
***
A plan, a plan... what he needed here was a plan. Think, damn it! Xander and Jessica were still hiding behind the melted vending machine, awaiting death by electrocution - unless they could come up with a plan. The girl didn't look like she was going to be much help, unless the plan somehow involved upchucking on the homicidal security guards. Which would be satisfying to watch, but probably not very helpful as plans go.
"Oh God, oh God..." she was whispering. "I'm gonna die with blue hair... in someone else's clothes..."
"You're not going to die," Xander whispered back. "We're going to think of a plan." Any second now, he reassured himself. Any second now, he'd think of a plan. What would Buffy do? Was it time for a pun? Why hadn't the guards come around the vending machine and killed them yet?
"Discharging both of our weapons simultaneously was a tactical error," Xander heard one of the guards say to the other one. "If we had held one pulse in reserve, we could have terminated one of the enemy demons by now."
"This would not have been a problem if more of us had been turned on," replied the other guard.
Eh? Xander furrowed his brow, wondering if he'd misheard that comment.
"That is true, 527. Because there are only two of us, our margin for error is greatly decreased. We must be careful to avoid further mistakes."
"I admire these weapons, 491, but I find them to be somewhat inefficient. The charge period is longer after the first pulse, and the power of each subsequent discharge is weaker. Perhaps these weapons are the mistake."
So the charge period is longer now? Xander wondered if they should try to run for it again. He looked at Jessica to see if she was thinking the same thing, but she had her face in her hands, and she looked like she was trembling all over. Probably wasn't used to hiding for her life. It occurred to Xander, not for the first time, that his teenage experience was somewhat different from other people's.
"A valid observation. However, I find myself illogically fond of my weapon. My systems are drawn to it. Perhaps it is the aesthetic value."
"These weapons are indeed large and shiny. I find them pleasing to look at as well."
"I also like to hold it in my hands."
"Yes, I find holding my weapon to be most satisfying."
Oh... kay. Maybe these guys had a tradition of innuendos instead of puns?
Now wasn't the time to wonder. He needed a plan. Running seemed good, but the guards would likely just chase them until the guns were ready to fire again. But running was better than hiding, right? There were no weapons here, so if they stayed, he and the girl were just sitting ducks until the guards came around the vending machine and killed them. If they ran, maybe they would have a chance?
Xander had just decided to risk running again and was about to inform Jessica of this plan when he saw a young guy wearing all black sprinting down the hall toward them. The guy didn't appear to notice him and Jessica, but ran straight for the guards.
"Hey," the guy called as he ran forward. He stopped when he got to the two security guards. Jessica was still trembling and had her eyes shut tight, but Xander peeked around the melted vending machine to watch what was happening. "There's someone chasing me," the guy panted, indicating the empty hallway behind him. His hair had fallen into his eyes. "Two someones. They attacked me. Can you help?"
The two guards leaned around the boy and gazed calmly down the hallway. Xander shrank back into his hiding place, just barely peeping out. One of them said, "I see no one."
"They're there, they're just..." The boy gestured. "I mean, I guess I'm faster than they are. But I swear they're coming." He was still breathing hard from running. "It's two teenagers with blue hair. I don't know if they're LARPing or something, but one of them tried to choke me." He suddenly glanced down. "Wow, that's a big gun."
"Your pursuers have blue hair?" repeated one of the guards. When the boy nodded, the guard asked intently, "And what do these blue-haired teenagers smell like?"
"Um." The boy stared at him. "Not that I don't think that's a really strange question - because I totally think that's a strange question," he responded slowly, "but they actually kinda smell like lemons. Since you asked. What, does that mean something?"
The guards were looking at each other significantly. Xander watched as one of them then put his hand on the boy's shoulder. "Citizen, we will protect you," he promised. "My partner and I will kill these so-called teenagers with our generous and formidable weapons."
"What? Kill them?" The boy looked startled. "No, I just wanted--"
Xander faintly heard a tell-tale buzzing. "Full charge," one of the guards said, checking his gun. "Shall I hold my fire until--"
"You're not serious," the boy said. "You can't just kill a--"
"Yes, 527," said the other guard. "Hold your pulse in reserve. I shall discharge my weapon first."
"What?" the guy asked again, backing away a few steps in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding. You're kidding, right?"
"My programming does not provide the functionality to 'kid,'" said the guard.
Xander could hear rapid footsteps approaching the place in the hallway where the two guards, the boy, and the vending machines were. Must be the two kids. He glanced over at Jessica, who was sitting on the floor with her back to the wall, head between her knees. She appeared to have fainted in that position. He wanted to do something, warn the kids somehow before they were murdered, but if he tried to distract the guards, he'd probably just get himself killed in their place.
Ah, well. He was going to die one day anyway. Did it really make much difference if it was today?
As soon as the two kids came into view, running fast toward the guards and the guy in black, Xander jumped out into the hallway and waved his arms, shouting at them, "Stop! Go back! They're gonna shoot you!"
Still about twelve feet off, the two kids froze immediately, staring at him. Shocked that he hadn't been, well, shocked right away, Xander dove back behind the vending machine just as an electrical bolt shot out of the tip of one gun straight in his direction. It hit the abused Powerade dispenser once more and showered blue sparks in all directions, brightening the surrounding area with an almost blinding light. But the kids just stood there watching, wide-eyed in confused fascination.
"Run!" Xander shouted at them again.
At the same time, one guard said to the other, "You may fire."
***
Continued [here].
***
Author: girlpire
Rating: PG-13 (or FRT)
Characters: Angel, Spike, Gunn, Connor, Wesley, Xander, Riley, and Kate, plus more OC's than you will probably be comfortable with.
Disclaimer: This story is based on the "Angel" series, with which I am not affiliated in any way. Joss Whedon is my master, etc.
Distribution: Please do not archive this story anywhere.
Summary: A series of highly improbable coincidences aboard a cruise ship makes stopping this particular apocalypse a bit more complicated than usual for the fang gang.
Author's Notes: This story takes place at some ambiguous point during season five of AtS. Spike is solid, Connor doesn't know who Angel is, and Xander is both-eyed and didn't participate in the BtVS comics. The entire fic spans the course of about five hours.
[Part 1]
[Part 2]
[Part 3]
[Part 4]
[Part 5]
[Part 6]
[Part 7]
[Part 8]
***
Terror Aboard the Persephone!
Part Nine
***
This, it occurred to Angel, had to be the most ridiculous situation that he'd ever accidentally gotten himself into. Unless he counted the time he'd ended up on a boat naked, which had been marginally more ridiculous but significantly more fun. But he wasn't counting that time. (Or the time before that.)
Trying desperately to ignore the fact that there was a whole room full of people watching him, Angel once more attempted to dart off the stage, only to be stopped yet again by a gaggle of chorus girls, all bright smiles and shiny outfits and big feathery fans. He halted before he accidentally slammed into one of them, did an awkward side-step to avoid her, and then found himself being pushed backwards by two guys in short toga outfits. When the back of his knees bumped into something, he sat down on it abruptly, glaring at the man to his left. The glare was interrupted when a gong sounded and the thing he was sitting on was suddenly hoisted into the air.
Angel reflexively clung to the armrests of the elaborate chair as the ground zoomed away from his feet. Using two long poles connected to the sides of the chair, eight toga-ed men balanced the surprised vampire on their shoulders. They marched him steadily around the stage as the music changed to something a little slower and more lilting than the opening number had been. The chorus girls began to sing sweetly about being jealous of the king's new bride, although Angel noticed that one blonde in a red sequined dress appeared to be just as determined to leave the stage as he had been. And she was having about as much luck.
Over his shoulder, he glimpsed the woman being (gently) forced backward into a chair similar to his own and then hoisted up by eight more men. He lost sight of her as their respective chairs were marched in opposite directions on the stage, but at a particular cue in the music, they were turned to face each other. Angel's mouth dropped open when he saw her face.
The girl was a dead ringer for Kate Lockley.
Unless... oh. It was Kate Lockley.
Even from across the large stage, he could tell from her expression that she was shocked to see him there. Well, why shouldn't she be? He was sort of distantly glad that she hadn't pegged him for a secret musical stage actor. "Angel!" she called across the stage, frantically waving. Then she looked around, seeming to take in the set and the dancers and even the audience sitting in the darkened ballroom before glancing at him again. "Angel?" she asked uncertainly.
The chairs began moving toward each other as the music continued. "Ate," he acknowledged, lifting his hand in a little, embarrassed wave. His throat burned at the attempted K sound. He was going to add, "Fancy meeting you here," but didn't want to sound too cliché after having not seen her for three years. And 'fancy' would have come out 'fanny,' which was simply inappropriate.
She didn't appear to notice the way he said her name. "Angel," she said urgently. "I've got to talk to--" She attempted to go to him, almost falling out of the chair as if she'd forgotten she wasn't on the ground. She scrambled back up, then said in a very loud whisper, "I've got to talk to you!"
"Um," he said. "Maybe later? You know, when we're..." He jerked a thumb backward to indicate the offstage area. Hopefully, the two of them would be able to escape that way soon.
The chairs hadn't quite come even with each other yet. The dancing girls were still singing and leaping gracefully around them. "It's important!" Kate insisted. "There's a vampire!"
"A vampire? Where?" Angel frowned, his eyes darting around the stage.
"Not here, but I saw him! He's naked." She waved her stake at him. "I've been trying to slay him, but I can't find him anywhere. He might be wearing a skirt."
A naked vampire on a boat. Like that was a new one. Angel briefly wondered if this vampire were having more fun than he was, but then he reasoned that every single person on the entire ship was having more fun than he was. The skirt part was interesting, but irrelevant. "I'll help you find him," Angel promised, "but firt we have to..." He jerked his thumb back again, indicating the stage exit behind him.
Kate looked at his hand. "Hitchhike?" she guessed.
"Get offtage. You know, ehape?" Damn it, he couldn't say escape.
As soon as the chairs were even with each other in the middle of the stage and their two occupants were sitting almost side-by-side, the men in togas began turning in a circle, slowly rotating Angel and Kate as they faced each other while the wedding song went on. Kate shook her head. "No, I don't know Ehape. I just know Steve." She suddenly reached out and grabbed Angel's arm as something occurred to her. "Steve's a terrorist!" she exclaimed. "We have to stop him!"
"Teve a what? Terrorit?"
"Terrorist!" Kate hissed. She looked at his mouth funny.
"On the boat?" asked Angel.
Kate nodded urgently. "He's got his dangerous terrorist weapons stashed all over the place. I found two bags full of guns!"
Well, that was troubling. "I found a bag of gun too," Angel told her. This situation was a lot more serious than he'd thought. First those blue-haired demons and their apocalypse, then compulsory dancing in sequins, and now terrorists on the boat? He had to save these people. Good thing he'd found an ally. Although... He sniffed. "Are you drun?" he asked Kate.
She was looking at his lips. "Angel," she said slowly, "why are you talking like that?"
***
Spike dashed around another corner and scanned the hallway. Deserted. Where did that bloody thief get to now? He was positive the kid was wearing his duster, and once he got his hands on that bleeding little--
A door. Perhaps he'd run through there? Wasting no time, Spike threw open the door and charged into... the dark. But there were people standing around quietly, all looking in the same direction as though hypnotized. Curious, he went over and took a peek. They were looking out onto a stage. He was behind a sodding stage.
In the wings beside him, there was a group of men in togas intent on the action, awaiting their cue. Spike blended in almost perfectly, the only difference being that his toga had gold sequins all over it while their costumes were plain white. And he was wearing his boots, of course. He almost turned to leave, then changed his mind and addressed one of the men. "Hey," he said. "You didn't happen to see a boy back here, 'bout my size, looks... whatchacallit... androgynous?"
The young man raised his eyebrows at Spike, then glanced around at the rest of the toga wearers. Noticing that they all more or less fit that description, Spike added, "He's wearing leather. Black leather. Kid stole something of mine and I'm looking to get it back."
"Sorry dude," the young man said. He glanced down at Spike's sequins. "You the replacement Hermes?"
"The what?" said Spike.
"Man, Steph's been freaking out," the guy confided in a whisper. "Phil keeps hurling all over the place. I didn't even think he had an understudy. I've never seen you at practice, have I?"
So this kid thought he was... oh. Right, because of the dress. "Listen, mate," Spike said, "I'm only wearing this tiny sheet 'cause of a madwoman and a thieving wanker, so--"
Just then, all the men around them began to leap gracefully out onto the stage. Spike quickly ducked to miss a dancing man's flailing arm and gave the retreating figure an affronted glare.
"Shit!" the kid he'd been talking to hissed. "We missed our cue. You're supposed to be in front! Come on!"
"What? No, I'm--" Spike protested, still trying to avoid the dancers dancing past him. But the kid grabbed his arm and yanked hard, leaping more frantically through the group of togas than the surrounding dancers in order to make it to the front of the group with Spike in tow.
Thrown helplessly off-balance by this surprise attack, and reflexively leaping a little himself to keep up with the kid that had hold of him, Spike was unwillingly dragged out onto the stage.
***
"And you're quite sure it's Angel?" Wesley's disbelieving voice asked Gunn for the second time.
"It's him, Wes," Gunn said, staring in fascination towards the stage, where Angel and the creepy cop lady were being paraded around on chairs in the air. "Known the guy for a long time, pretty sure I'd recognize him anywhere."
"And you say he's... dancing... with Kate Lockley?"
"Well, I wouldn't exactly call it dancing," Gunn replied, watching as Kate grabbed Angel's arm and mouthed something to him in earnest. He, of course, couldn't hear what she was saying over the music. "But they're definitely... performing. Costumes and everything."
"This is the same Kate Lockley who--"
"It's her," Gunn emphasized. Sequins or not, he'd never forgotten a cop's face.
Wesley cleared his throat. "Well, that's... unexpected," he said.
"You believe me, right, Wes?"
"Of course. It's just very... difficult to, ah--" He paused. When he spoke again, Gunn thought he sounded like he was smiling a little. "You know, I think I could tell you exactly what Cordelia would say in this situation."
"Yeah?" Gunn asked. "What's that?"
"I believe the phrase," answered Wesley, "is 'pics or it didn't happen.'"
Hearing those words in that accent made Gunn chuckle softly.
Wesley continued, "Reasonably, I can foresee moments during our acquaintance with Angel when photographic evidence of this particular hobby of his would be... beneficial. Can't you?"
"I'm on it," Gunn confirmed with an amused grin, pulling out his cell phone.
He'd snapped a couple of photos with the camera feature and was slipping the phone back into his pants pocket when there was a small disturbance at stage left. Gunn watched interestedly as a less-than-graceful male dancer was tugged along by another one through a synchronized group of toga-wearers and then thrust forcefully out in front of the others. The dancer seemed to be trying to turn around at the same time that he was pushed forward, so the end result was an ass-first stumble downstage, followed by a clumsy fall. The bleached-blond man landed on his butt in the middle of the stage as the audience laughed.
When the dancer looked out at the audience with a murderous and slightly confused expression, Gunn couldn't stifle his small shocked gasp at the familiar face.
"Gunn? Is something wrong?" said the voice in his ear.
Wide-eyed and not looking away from the stage, Gunn silently reached for his phone again.
***
"We need to get out of here," Angel whispered to Kate, glancing around the stage for an opening. He couldn't do a damn thing about the apocalypse, the terrorist, or the vampire from here. At least, that's why he told himself he was so desperate to get offstage. But there was no denying that all the attention was humiliating. He had no idea what he was supposed to be doing with his hands. "Do you thin you an jump?"
"What?" said Kate loudly. She was still studying his mouth. "Jump?"
"Jump down," Angel said, pointing at the floor. He was pretty sure she could do it; it wasn't too far away. Would be easier sober, though. "Jump, then run. That way." He pointed offstage. "Alright?"
Suddenly, the audience began to laugh. Angel wasn't sure what was so funny, but he tried not to let it distract him. He looked at Kate.
She nodded conspiratorially. "Jump. Run. Got it." She leaned forward and stared down at the ground between the shoulders of the men carrying her chair. She looked like she was concentrating pretty hard.
Angel sighed. Maybe he should just leave her here. At least she'd be safe. "On the ount of three," he said. "One--"
Kate jumped.
Well, she didn't so much jump as slide down and dangle for a moment before dropping to her knees on the floor, jostling the men in togas, who tried not to step on her. "Shit," Angel said, and leapt down from his chair slightly more gracefully, but still startling the men who'd been carrying him.
With a muttered apology, he hurried around the men in togas, ducking to try to glimpse Kate on the floor, and somehow found himself amid another group of synchronized dancers. Honestly! How many actors could fit on this stage at once? As he tried to dodge his way out, a brief mental image of a training gauntlet composed primarily of jazz hands distracted him just long enough for him to run smack into another man in a toga, and they both stumbled backwards from the impact.
Okay. That guy was out of formation. Caught halfway between a glare and an apology, Angel glanced up at the man's face. What he saw stopped him dead in his tracks. When the man looked at Angel, his own angry frown melted into a mirror of Angel's flabbergasted expression.
"Pie?" Angel squeaked in disbelief.
"Angel! What the bloody fuck--"
Before Spike could finish this question, Angel noticed out of the corner of his eye a frantic blur of red sequins running in their direction, gesturing wildly at Angel and screaming, "It's him! It's HIM!"
Stunned into immobility, Angel looked on in confusion as Kate Lockley launched herself several feet through the air and landed on Spike's back.
***
A plan, a plan... what he needed here was a plan. Think, damn it! Xander and Jessica were still hiding behind the melted vending machine, awaiting death by electrocution - unless they could come up with a plan. The girl didn't look like she was going to be much help, unless the plan somehow involved upchucking on the homicidal security guards. Which would be satisfying to watch, but probably not very helpful as plans go.
"Oh God, oh God..." she was whispering. "I'm gonna die with blue hair... in someone else's clothes..."
"You're not going to die," Xander whispered back. "We're going to think of a plan." Any second now, he reassured himself. Any second now, he'd think of a plan. What would Buffy do? Was it time for a pun? Why hadn't the guards come around the vending machine and killed them yet?
"Discharging both of our weapons simultaneously was a tactical error," Xander heard one of the guards say to the other one. "If we had held one pulse in reserve, we could have terminated one of the enemy demons by now."
"This would not have been a problem if more of us had been turned on," replied the other guard.
Eh? Xander furrowed his brow, wondering if he'd misheard that comment.
"That is true, 527. Because there are only two of us, our margin for error is greatly decreased. We must be careful to avoid further mistakes."
"I admire these weapons, 491, but I find them to be somewhat inefficient. The charge period is longer after the first pulse, and the power of each subsequent discharge is weaker. Perhaps these weapons are the mistake."
So the charge period is longer now? Xander wondered if they should try to run for it again. He looked at Jessica to see if she was thinking the same thing, but she had her face in her hands, and she looked like she was trembling all over. Probably wasn't used to hiding for her life. It occurred to Xander, not for the first time, that his teenage experience was somewhat different from other people's.
"A valid observation. However, I find myself illogically fond of my weapon. My systems are drawn to it. Perhaps it is the aesthetic value."
"These weapons are indeed large and shiny. I find them pleasing to look at as well."
"I also like to hold it in my hands."
"Yes, I find holding my weapon to be most satisfying."
Oh... kay. Maybe these guys had a tradition of innuendos instead of puns?
Now wasn't the time to wonder. He needed a plan. Running seemed good, but the guards would likely just chase them until the guns were ready to fire again. But running was better than hiding, right? There were no weapons here, so if they stayed, he and the girl were just sitting ducks until the guards came around the vending machine and killed them. If they ran, maybe they would have a chance?
Xander had just decided to risk running again and was about to inform Jessica of this plan when he saw a young guy wearing all black sprinting down the hall toward them. The guy didn't appear to notice him and Jessica, but ran straight for the guards.
"Hey," the guy called as he ran forward. He stopped when he got to the two security guards. Jessica was still trembling and had her eyes shut tight, but Xander peeked around the melted vending machine to watch what was happening. "There's someone chasing me," the guy panted, indicating the empty hallway behind him. His hair had fallen into his eyes. "Two someones. They attacked me. Can you help?"
The two guards leaned around the boy and gazed calmly down the hallway. Xander shrank back into his hiding place, just barely peeping out. One of them said, "I see no one."
"They're there, they're just..." The boy gestured. "I mean, I guess I'm faster than they are. But I swear they're coming." He was still breathing hard from running. "It's two teenagers with blue hair. I don't know if they're LARPing or something, but one of them tried to choke me." He suddenly glanced down. "Wow, that's a big gun."
"Your pursuers have blue hair?" repeated one of the guards. When the boy nodded, the guard asked intently, "And what do these blue-haired teenagers smell like?"
"Um." The boy stared at him. "Not that I don't think that's a really strange question - because I totally think that's a strange question," he responded slowly, "but they actually kinda smell like lemons. Since you asked. What, does that mean something?"
The guards were looking at each other significantly. Xander watched as one of them then put his hand on the boy's shoulder. "Citizen, we will protect you," he promised. "My partner and I will kill these so-called teenagers with our generous and formidable weapons."
"What? Kill them?" The boy looked startled. "No, I just wanted--"
Xander faintly heard a tell-tale buzzing. "Full charge," one of the guards said, checking his gun. "Shall I hold my fire until--"
"You're not serious," the boy said. "You can't just kill a--"
"Yes, 527," said the other guard. "Hold your pulse in reserve. I shall discharge my weapon first."
"What?" the guy asked again, backing away a few steps in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding. You're kidding, right?"
"My programming does not provide the functionality to 'kid,'" said the guard.
Xander could hear rapid footsteps approaching the place in the hallway where the two guards, the boy, and the vending machines were. Must be the two kids. He glanced over at Jessica, who was sitting on the floor with her back to the wall, head between her knees. She appeared to have fainted in that position. He wanted to do something, warn the kids somehow before they were murdered, but if he tried to distract the guards, he'd probably just get himself killed in their place.
Ah, well. He was going to die one day anyway. Did it really make much difference if it was today?
As soon as the two kids came into view, running fast toward the guards and the guy in black, Xander jumped out into the hallway and waved his arms, shouting at them, "Stop! Go back! They're gonna shoot you!"
Still about twelve feet off, the two kids froze immediately, staring at him. Shocked that he hadn't been, well, shocked right away, Xander dove back behind the vending machine just as an electrical bolt shot out of the tip of one gun straight in his direction. It hit the abused Powerade dispenser once more and showered blue sparks in all directions, brightening the surrounding area with an almost blinding light. But the kids just stood there watching, wide-eyed in confused fascination.
"Run!" Xander shouted at them again.
At the same time, one guard said to the other, "You may fire."
***
Continued [here].
***
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-07-13 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-17 03:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 02:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-17 03:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 03:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-17 03:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 11:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-17 03:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 01:52 pm (UTC)heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Oh lordy!!! It's just becoming a real train-wreck!!
Heeeeeeeeeeeee
"Pie!"
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Spike and Kate, together again at last, and poor Angel can't explain the situation with no "s" or "k" sounds. :D
ate pie?
no subject
Date: 2009-07-17 04:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 06:26 pm (UTC)Poor abused Xander's certainly up a creek. What would Buffy do? Well, probably just launch the Powerade dispenser at the robots and run like hell. I don't think that's going to help Xander here...
Thanks for another fun update. This story is hysterical.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-17 04:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 09:54 pm (UTC)Such very bad letters to be missing from his vocabulary - bet Pie's going to love that.
And much love for the unsuitable robot weapons and having to take it in turns. Tiny design flaw?
no subject
Date: 2009-07-17 04:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-15 12:08 pm (UTC)What would Buffy do? Was it time for a pun?
This had me snorting out loud, as did Angel's speech impediment.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-17 04:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-17 12:20 pm (UTC)Photographic evidence: very important.
Also, I kind of adore the incompetent gay killer robots. Even if they are trying to smoke Xander. Because Xander is totally going to make it out of this okay and they'll all laugh about it later!
I am laughing about it right now.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-17 04:28 pm (UTC)haha, best comment i've ever gotten. and honestly, who wouldn't adore an incompetent gay killer robot? :D
thanks!
no subject
Date: 2009-07-25 08:20 pm (UTC)dear god - please post the last chapter!!!!
Date: 2009-08-03 09:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-06 01:44 am (UTC)I've been waiting to comment until I'd read it
all.... *snif*
Story Interruptus..... :D
no subject
Date: 2009-08-07 01:20 am (UTC)I hope things are looking up for you
and your family.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-14 07:01 am (UTC)This is hilarious. Angel's lisp isn't getting any better. ;0)
A naked vampire on a boat. Like that was a new one.
*guffaw!*
no subject
Date: 2009-08-14 07:02 am (UTC)A naked vampire on a boat. Like that was a new one.
*guffaw*
Angel's lisp isn't getting any better...;0)