Broken, Part One
Oct. 7th, 2005 05:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
girlpireokay, i don't really know what i'm doing... i wanted to write a sequel to Breakable, so i started on it, and it's turning into a chaptery thing, which isn't what i wanted. but i guess if it goes alright, i'll continue it. here is the first part of the sequel, which i'm calling "broken" for reasons of laziness, and because i think it sounds good to follow "breakable" with "broken." logical, am i right?
Title: Broken (part one)
Author: girlpire
Rating: This part is R, but it'll no doubt end up being NC17 if I continue it.
Pairing: Fred/Angelus
Disclaimer: This story is based on the "Angel" series, with which I am not affiliated in any way. Joss Whedon is my master, etc.
Distribution: Please no. kthnxbye. :)
Summary: Fred is being held hostage by Angelus. Kind of dark.
Author's Notes: This is the sequel to Breakable, picking up soon after that left off. I recommend reading Breakable first (because I wrote it and it's totally awesome. heh.) This is set during season four, AU after the episode "Calvary."
She'd expected to wake up dead. He'd told her he wouldn't actually kill her unless she asked him to, but she'd been so convinced she wouldn't live through it that it was something of a disappointment to open her eyes, stretch, feel her toes wiggle. She hadn't counted on still being able to wiggle her toes.
She'd thought she knew what it meant to offer yourself to a demon. It meant not walking away again, ever. It meant here was this monster who would probably do things to you that you hadn't even begun to imagine in all those times you'd thought about being with him, do those things and maybe making you like it, maybe making you wish you were dead, probably granting that wish after you'd suffered so long that he didn't find you amusing anymore. It meant that no matter what happened, you wouldn't be going back home afterwards. It meant the end.
She'd been ready for the end. Otherwise, she wouldn't have freed him. She never expected to see Charles, her parents, Wesley, ever again. She'd accepted that. She didn't want to see them again, not after what she'd done. She was tired, she was ready, and the man who'd saved her from hell would be the one to send her back, and it was appropriate really, gave her that sense of Cosmic Balance.
She didn't believe in Cosmic Balance, of course. Not a very logical notion, that the Universe would pay that much attention to each individual living in it. Presupposes that the Universe itself is sentient, omniscient even, doesn't just know the future but plans it out according to the events of the past, and no self-respecting scientist can believe in that sort of thing when it gets in the way of free will, which is a testable fact. She wiggled her toes to prove it. Definitely free will. But the sense of Cosmic Balance had been there, nevertheless.
So now, awake, alive, toes wiggling and all, the rightness she had felt, the peace with her decision was gone, and in its place was that other sense, that sense of Oh Fuckness, the one you get when you realize you will actually have to deal with the consequences of whatever choice you had made, and boy is it going to suck.
She wasn't injured. Taking stock, she realized that the only places on her body that actually hurt were her wrists where they'd been chafed by the rope binding them together behind her back. She was lying uncomfortably on top of her crossed arms, and she rolled slowly to her side, wincing as she realized the side of her head also hurt. He must have knocked her out.
She studied the wall in front of her eyes. It was painted a maroon color, and the scratchy bedspread under her cheek had a matching paisley print. He'd taken her to a hotel. The brief mental image of Angelus checking into a hotel with a bony girl slung over his shoulder almost made her giggle. But then the almost-giggle turned into almost-tears, and she closed her eyes again, hoping that maybe the next time she opened them she'd be dead.
No such luck. She didn't know how much time had passed, but the room had darkened significantly, so she supposed it was night. She hadn't heard or seen Angelus at all. She wondered if he'd spent the day somewhere else, if he was coming back for her. Surely he wouldn't just leave her alone in some random hotel? Maybe he was trying to lure the others here, using her as bait. God, that was the last thing she'd wanted.
The almost-tears came back, rapidly turning into real ones. She didn't make a sound, just lay there blinking, feeling the warm drops track across the bridge of her nose and fall onto the bedspread with a soft pat. Tears. Just water, but with a high concentration of Sodium Chloride, similar to the ocean. Possibly an indication of the roots of human evolution. Also contain mucus and lysozyme, an antibacterial enzyme. But mostly they are just water.
She was hungry. She couldn't remember the last time she ate. She closed her eyes again and tried to sleep.
It was still dark the next time she opened them. She was beginning to get angry. Where was Angelus? She thought they'd had an understanding. She would free him, and he would... well, he would do something. He certainly wouldn't just leave her alone and well! She was barely even tied down. In fact, if she wriggled enough, she'd probably be able to get out of the rope around her wrists. And even if she couldn't, her feet weren't bound. She could get up, walk over to the door, just go home. She sighed. This was a little bit ridiculous.
She was going to move. Get right up and leave. Call the gang and let them know where Angelus was. Or where he'd been, at least. She tried to think of what she'd tell them. He somehow tricked her into opening the cage... he... no, she'd gotten too close, forgot about the red line, and he'd gotten her crossbow away from her. He forced her to unlock the cage, then held her hostage. Oh it was horrible, Charles, he was so mean! Please buy me a taco and hold me and never be what I really need.
She could do that. She could do it right now. But... if she left, she'd never know... what it was like to be with him, the one she'd wanted for so long, ached for, the one she imagined in her darkest and most haunting secret dreams... the one who could hurt her best.
She'd wait a little longer. She owed herself that. She closed her eyes.
"You know, it's no fun keeping a hostage that doesn't even TRY to escape."
Her eyes shot back open. He was here. When had he come in? She never heard the door open. Had he been here the whole time?
"Couldn't you struggle just a little bit? I tried to make it easy for you, and everything. Didn't tie your feet. Barely tied your hands. Did you know the door's not even locked? Of course not, because you haven't tried to open it."
She heard him sigh. From the sound of his voice, she pictured him sitting in a chair near where the desk would be if this were a standard hotel room, which she assumed it was. She wanted to turn and look at him, but she didn't.
"You've been here, what, nearly 32 hours? And you've hardly even moved from that spot. Frankly, I'm disappointed in you, Fred. I think you've given up the mission."
Given up. That's not how she would have put it. She would have said become unsatisfied with. Or maybe wanted more than.
"I've been thinking about it, why you're still here. Do you know what I've decided, Fred? I'll tell you. There are only two reasons why you wouldn't try to leave, knowing what I could do to you. The first one is... why am I talking to the back of your head? Look at me, Fred. I know you're awake."
She slowly rolled over onto her other side, seeing him for the first time since she'd let him out of the cage. He was sitting the way she'd pictured him, slouched a little in the chair, elbows on the armrests and his palms lying flat against his belly. His feet were propped up on the other bed. It was a little thrilling to see him so calm as he watched her, looking almost bored while she squirmed on the bed, trying to get comfortable with her arms tied back.
"The first one is you've been told to stay with me, maybe try to report back to your friends to tell them what my plans are." He regarded her thoughtfully. "Can't really imagine Wes allowing his little crush to play that game, though. Besides, he knows me better than the rest of you do; he'd never risk setting me free in the first place. Which leaves the other reason." He smiled at her and shook his head slowly. "You're one sick little girl."
She didn't say anything.
"Hey, not that I'm complaining." He picked up a pen from the desk and started twirling it between his fingers. "I like sick girls. Hell, I liked a slayer. Nothing sicker than that." He shuddered theatrically. "Now that was fucked up, even for me. But this?" He gestured from himself to Fred and then back again with the pen. "Honestly, I don't see anything happening here." He set it back down and sighed, putting his feet on the floor. "Guess I'll just have to kill you."
She felt strangely calm as she watched him stand and approach the bed. It was funny, she thought, that the feeling she was about to die didn't affect her as much as the knowledge that he'd been in the room with her had. She didn't even flinch when he grabbed her by the shoulders and hauled her body up to a sitting position. She just closed her eyes, tilted her head to one side, and waited.
And waited.
Suddenly she felt herself being shoved back against the headboard, the air rushing out of her lungs with a quiet "oof!" She opened her eyes to see him staring thoughtfully at her. He pushed her legs over and sat down next to her on the bed.
"You aren't afraid of me," he said, drumming his fingers against her thigh where her skirt had ridden up.
"Yes I am," she said.
"No, you're really not."
"Of course I am," she argued. "You're a vampire."
"And vampires can smell fear." He sniffed the air. "You don't smell scared, Fred. You smell..." He suddenly smiled and glanced down at his hand on her leg. "Like I said, one sick little girl." He let his hand slide up her inner thigh underneath her skirt until his index finger was just barely touching her crotch through her panties.
His touch was like a spark, burning her. She could feel goosebumps spring up along the trail his cool fingers had made up her thigh. She bit her lip. His finger resting lightly against her down there made her cheeks flush, but she didn't look away from him. Her legs spread imperceptibly wider, and she felt her heart starting to race.
He cocked his head to one side, listening. She thought he looked rather pleased with himself.
"Interesting," he said. Then he pulled his hand away and stood up.
She blinked, then pulled her legs tightly closed. She was embarrassed, but not exactly sure why. Hadn't she just been ready to die? And now here she was blushing because an evil soulless creature hadn't ravished her. It was... confusing. She watched Angelus cross the room and gather up his coat.
"I think I'll keep you around for now," he said. He pulled his coat on and flicked the collar down, eyeing her skeptically. "Not really my type... too thin. Not the best body for torture. I like fleshy girls - lots of skin to mark, you know? But it's been too long since I've had someone who just... wanted it as bad as you do." He sighed. "Anyway, if you're no fun I can always eat you later." He walked to the door, then turned back to look at her.
"I'd tell you not to go anywhere, but I know you won't anyway, so I'll not bother." He smiled. "It'll be nice, having a familiar face to come back to after dinner." His face shimmered, the demon pushing its way to the fore. He grinned broadly, showing all of his pointy teeth. "Don't you think?"
As the door closed behind him, Fred wondered if he'd bothered to lock it. Not that it mattered. A doorknob was just a wheel and axle, a simple machine, and a lock was just a row of tiny metal pins and a cylinder. She'd always been good at unlocking doors. It was just a matter of thinking it through, solving a puzzle. Her stomach rumbled. She could get out if she wanted to.
She closed her eyes and tried to sleep again.
*
part two here.
Title: Broken (part one)
Author: girlpire
Rating: This part is R, but it'll no doubt end up being NC17 if I continue it.
Pairing: Fred/Angelus
Disclaimer: This story is based on the "Angel" series, with which I am not affiliated in any way. Joss Whedon is my master, etc.
Distribution: Please no. kthnxbye. :)
Summary: Fred is being held hostage by Angelus. Kind of dark.
Author's Notes: This is the sequel to Breakable, picking up soon after that left off. I recommend reading Breakable first (because I wrote it and it's totally awesome. heh.) This is set during season four, AU after the episode "Calvary."
She'd expected to wake up dead. He'd told her he wouldn't actually kill her unless she asked him to, but she'd been so convinced she wouldn't live through it that it was something of a disappointment to open her eyes, stretch, feel her toes wiggle. She hadn't counted on still being able to wiggle her toes.
She'd thought she knew what it meant to offer yourself to a demon. It meant not walking away again, ever. It meant here was this monster who would probably do things to you that you hadn't even begun to imagine in all those times you'd thought about being with him, do those things and maybe making you like it, maybe making you wish you were dead, probably granting that wish after you'd suffered so long that he didn't find you amusing anymore. It meant that no matter what happened, you wouldn't be going back home afterwards. It meant the end.
She'd been ready for the end. Otherwise, she wouldn't have freed him. She never expected to see Charles, her parents, Wesley, ever again. She'd accepted that. She didn't want to see them again, not after what she'd done. She was tired, she was ready, and the man who'd saved her from hell would be the one to send her back, and it was appropriate really, gave her that sense of Cosmic Balance.
She didn't believe in Cosmic Balance, of course. Not a very logical notion, that the Universe would pay that much attention to each individual living in it. Presupposes that the Universe itself is sentient, omniscient even, doesn't just know the future but plans it out according to the events of the past, and no self-respecting scientist can believe in that sort of thing when it gets in the way of free will, which is a testable fact. She wiggled her toes to prove it. Definitely free will. But the sense of Cosmic Balance had been there, nevertheless.
So now, awake, alive, toes wiggling and all, the rightness she had felt, the peace with her decision was gone, and in its place was that other sense, that sense of Oh Fuckness, the one you get when you realize you will actually have to deal with the consequences of whatever choice you had made, and boy is it going to suck.
She wasn't injured. Taking stock, she realized that the only places on her body that actually hurt were her wrists where they'd been chafed by the rope binding them together behind her back. She was lying uncomfortably on top of her crossed arms, and she rolled slowly to her side, wincing as she realized the side of her head also hurt. He must have knocked her out.
She studied the wall in front of her eyes. It was painted a maroon color, and the scratchy bedspread under her cheek had a matching paisley print. He'd taken her to a hotel. The brief mental image of Angelus checking into a hotel with a bony girl slung over his shoulder almost made her giggle. But then the almost-giggle turned into almost-tears, and she closed her eyes again, hoping that maybe the next time she opened them she'd be dead.
No such luck. She didn't know how much time had passed, but the room had darkened significantly, so she supposed it was night. She hadn't heard or seen Angelus at all. She wondered if he'd spent the day somewhere else, if he was coming back for her. Surely he wouldn't just leave her alone in some random hotel? Maybe he was trying to lure the others here, using her as bait. God, that was the last thing she'd wanted.
The almost-tears came back, rapidly turning into real ones. She didn't make a sound, just lay there blinking, feeling the warm drops track across the bridge of her nose and fall onto the bedspread with a soft pat. Tears. Just water, but with a high concentration of Sodium Chloride, similar to the ocean. Possibly an indication of the roots of human evolution. Also contain mucus and lysozyme, an antibacterial enzyme. But mostly they are just water.
She was hungry. She couldn't remember the last time she ate. She closed her eyes again and tried to sleep.
It was still dark the next time she opened them. She was beginning to get angry. Where was Angelus? She thought they'd had an understanding. She would free him, and he would... well, he would do something. He certainly wouldn't just leave her alone and well! She was barely even tied down. In fact, if she wriggled enough, she'd probably be able to get out of the rope around her wrists. And even if she couldn't, her feet weren't bound. She could get up, walk over to the door, just go home. She sighed. This was a little bit ridiculous.
She was going to move. Get right up and leave. Call the gang and let them know where Angelus was. Or where he'd been, at least. She tried to think of what she'd tell them. He somehow tricked her into opening the cage... he... no, she'd gotten too close, forgot about the red line, and he'd gotten her crossbow away from her. He forced her to unlock the cage, then held her hostage. Oh it was horrible, Charles, he was so mean! Please buy me a taco and hold me and never be what I really need.
She could do that. She could do it right now. But... if she left, she'd never know... what it was like to be with him, the one she'd wanted for so long, ached for, the one she imagined in her darkest and most haunting secret dreams... the one who could hurt her best.
She'd wait a little longer. She owed herself that. She closed her eyes.
"You know, it's no fun keeping a hostage that doesn't even TRY to escape."
Her eyes shot back open. He was here. When had he come in? She never heard the door open. Had he been here the whole time?
"Couldn't you struggle just a little bit? I tried to make it easy for you, and everything. Didn't tie your feet. Barely tied your hands. Did you know the door's not even locked? Of course not, because you haven't tried to open it."
She heard him sigh. From the sound of his voice, she pictured him sitting in a chair near where the desk would be if this were a standard hotel room, which she assumed it was. She wanted to turn and look at him, but she didn't.
"You've been here, what, nearly 32 hours? And you've hardly even moved from that spot. Frankly, I'm disappointed in you, Fred. I think you've given up the mission."
Given up. That's not how she would have put it. She would have said become unsatisfied with. Or maybe wanted more than.
"I've been thinking about it, why you're still here. Do you know what I've decided, Fred? I'll tell you. There are only two reasons why you wouldn't try to leave, knowing what I could do to you. The first one is... why am I talking to the back of your head? Look at me, Fred. I know you're awake."
She slowly rolled over onto her other side, seeing him for the first time since she'd let him out of the cage. He was sitting the way she'd pictured him, slouched a little in the chair, elbows on the armrests and his palms lying flat against his belly. His feet were propped up on the other bed. It was a little thrilling to see him so calm as he watched her, looking almost bored while she squirmed on the bed, trying to get comfortable with her arms tied back.
"The first one is you've been told to stay with me, maybe try to report back to your friends to tell them what my plans are." He regarded her thoughtfully. "Can't really imagine Wes allowing his little crush to play that game, though. Besides, he knows me better than the rest of you do; he'd never risk setting me free in the first place. Which leaves the other reason." He smiled at her and shook his head slowly. "You're one sick little girl."
She didn't say anything.
"Hey, not that I'm complaining." He picked up a pen from the desk and started twirling it between his fingers. "I like sick girls. Hell, I liked a slayer. Nothing sicker than that." He shuddered theatrically. "Now that was fucked up, even for me. But this?" He gestured from himself to Fred and then back again with the pen. "Honestly, I don't see anything happening here." He set it back down and sighed, putting his feet on the floor. "Guess I'll just have to kill you."
She felt strangely calm as she watched him stand and approach the bed. It was funny, she thought, that the feeling she was about to die didn't affect her as much as the knowledge that he'd been in the room with her had. She didn't even flinch when he grabbed her by the shoulders and hauled her body up to a sitting position. She just closed her eyes, tilted her head to one side, and waited.
And waited.
Suddenly she felt herself being shoved back against the headboard, the air rushing out of her lungs with a quiet "oof!" She opened her eyes to see him staring thoughtfully at her. He pushed her legs over and sat down next to her on the bed.
"You aren't afraid of me," he said, drumming his fingers against her thigh where her skirt had ridden up.
"Yes I am," she said.
"No, you're really not."
"Of course I am," she argued. "You're a vampire."
"And vampires can smell fear." He sniffed the air. "You don't smell scared, Fred. You smell..." He suddenly smiled and glanced down at his hand on her leg. "Like I said, one sick little girl." He let his hand slide up her inner thigh underneath her skirt until his index finger was just barely touching her crotch through her panties.
His touch was like a spark, burning her. She could feel goosebumps spring up along the trail his cool fingers had made up her thigh. She bit her lip. His finger resting lightly against her down there made her cheeks flush, but she didn't look away from him. Her legs spread imperceptibly wider, and she felt her heart starting to race.
He cocked his head to one side, listening. She thought he looked rather pleased with himself.
"Interesting," he said. Then he pulled his hand away and stood up.
She blinked, then pulled her legs tightly closed. She was embarrassed, but not exactly sure why. Hadn't she just been ready to die? And now here she was blushing because an evil soulless creature hadn't ravished her. It was... confusing. She watched Angelus cross the room and gather up his coat.
"I think I'll keep you around for now," he said. He pulled his coat on and flicked the collar down, eyeing her skeptically. "Not really my type... too thin. Not the best body for torture. I like fleshy girls - lots of skin to mark, you know? But it's been too long since I've had someone who just... wanted it as bad as you do." He sighed. "Anyway, if you're no fun I can always eat you later." He walked to the door, then turned back to look at her.
"I'd tell you not to go anywhere, but I know you won't anyway, so I'll not bother." He smiled. "It'll be nice, having a familiar face to come back to after dinner." His face shimmered, the demon pushing its way to the fore. He grinned broadly, showing all of his pointy teeth. "Don't you think?"
As the door closed behind him, Fred wondered if he'd bothered to lock it. Not that it mattered. A doorknob was just a wheel and axle, a simple machine, and a lock was just a row of tiny metal pins and a cylinder. She'd always been good at unlocking doors. It was just a matter of thinking it through, solving a puzzle. Her stomach rumbled. She could get out if she wanted to.
She closed her eyes and tried to sleep again.
*
part two here.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-10-07 11:29 pm (UTC)That was extremely hot! As I read it I was just thinking, "Yeah, who doesn't want to be that kind of sick?"
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Date: 2005-10-08 08:20 am (UTC)of course, almost everyone i know on here is a slasher (including myself), so that could be the problem.
*headdesk* should have been wesley instead of fred.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-08 01:20 am (UTC):::waits patiently:::
More! More! More! :) please....
no subject
Date: 2005-10-08 08:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-08 09:45 am (UTC)Of course, it was superbly written, and of course I'll come back for more if you write it, but I'm quaking in my shoes at the thought.
You write a wonderful Angelus.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-08 11:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-08 04:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-08 05:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-09 05:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-08 07:58 pm (UTC)You know, I loved Breakable so much, and I thought the ending and the indeterminacy was so perfect, I was intrigued to see where you could go after it. But this is fabulous. It's kind of... Fred's unflinching, and so is the story, which makes it disturbing and compelling to read. You keep it out of all that gothic, histrionic stuff with the struggling heroine and the big bad monster. Course, Angelus himself has a slight drama queen edge, so it's fascinating to see how he responds to such an unconventional victim...
Eagerly awaiting the next part.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-09 05:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-09 05:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-09 05:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-09 08:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-09 01:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-09 02:53 pm (UTC)*SQUEEEEEE*
no one has ever made me art before! YAY!
oh i'm gonna love it and hug it and squeeze it and call it george! or, you know, post it when i update. :D
this is the coolest thing ever. thank you! *bounces*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-09 03:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 03:48 pm (UTC)Ooooh very sinister, a really sinister game that they’re both playing. I wonder if each know what the other truly has in store? I really liked the contrast between Fred’s overwhelming need to try and order thoughts in her mind, and Angelus’ short, sharp responses, but always on the mark.
I loved this paragraph: She didn't believe in Cosmic Balance, of course…. and the fact that she wiggled her toes to prove it.
I really want to know what game Angelus is playing; whether he’s just going to kill her or really have some fun with her. Meeeeeep!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-10 04:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-11 02:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-11 02:47 am (UTC)Still hot
Date: 2005-10-14 11:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-29 06:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-29 06:38 pm (UTC)hehe, i made you like het. :P
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Date: 2005-10-30 02:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-30 09:30 pm (UTC)*breaks down sobbing* but i wouldn't trade my angel for the world.
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Date: 2005-11-11 05:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-23 05:57 pm (UTC)I also loved the Fred manips you did this week. Love that girl and what you do with her, both in art and in writing!
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Date: 2006-01-24 08:43 am (UTC)jan recced your fred story to me too, although i had already seen it posted at darker_fred. it's wonderful! i think your characterization of fred is much better than mine. or, well... we have her at different points in her life, but yours is a lot more fun to read. :D
glad you liked the manips. i try to do different characters, but usually end up focusing on the characters i'm writing. that's why so much fred and angel.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-15 03:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-15 11:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 05:27 pm (UTC)I'm absolutely positive I'd be one sick, little girl if I was in a room with Angelus ;)
no subject
Date: 2009-07-13 05:47 am (UTC)