Broken Interlude: between parts 8 and 9

[girlpire]

don't get excited - this isn't a whole chapter. it's an interlude, which means it is short and fits in between chapters. it exists because this bit didn't go with chapter 9, but i can't go back and add it to the end of chapter 8. so, interlude. i'm dedicating it to marie72, who requested something specific in her comment on the last chapter, not knowing that this was coming up. :)

Title: Broken Interlude: Not the Same
Author: girlpire
Rating: I'm calling it NC17.
Pairing: Fred/Angelus
Disclaimer: This story is based on the "Angel" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" series, with which I am not affiliated in any way. Joss Whedon is my master, etc.
Distribution: Please no. kthnxbye. :)
Summary: Fred deals with the consequences of her decision to release Angelus from his cage.
Warnings: Well, it's kind of dark. There's some hitting and other sorts of abuse. I mean, it's Angelus, right?
Author's Notes: This WIP takes place during season four of "Angel" and season seven of "Buffy." All art, awards, and previous chapters can be found in this post.


banner by the lovely frimfram


*

Fred lay curled on the grass on the baseball field, somewhere between the mound and first base. Wrapped warmly in the vampire's long black coat and still quite a bit tipsy, she had watched Angelus smash the rest of the glass orbs one after another, listening to him whoop happily at the sound the glass made when it shattered against his bat. It made her smile to see him having such a good time, although she didn't really know why he'd want to break all of the pretty glass balls.

She held her own cracked orb in both hands, rolling it around between her palms. It occurred to her that several magic shops probably wouldn't all sell the same kind of paperweight, and even if they did, Angelus wouldn't suddenly decide that he needed to destroy all of them. She suspected that the orbs were a little more significant than office supplies, but figuring out what they really were could wait until she was sober. She slipped the ball into one of the coat's deep pockets, alongside Angelus' handkerchief, and took a deep, cold breath, let it out slowly.

"That was fun, wasn't it?"

Fred watched Angelus walk up and come to a stop near her, a grin on his face and his shoulders glittering with tiny pieces of glass.

"I've always wanted to do that," he said.

She smiled back at him. "You got glass on your shirt." She pointed.

Angelus glanced down at one shoulder, then started unbuttoning his shirt. When he looked back at Fred, she was staring at the end of her finger, which was still pointed more or less in his direction. "Still intoxidrunk, huh?" he said.

"You made me drink whiskey," she accused, her arm slumping back to the ground.

Angelus shrugged. "You could have said no." He slid his shirt down his arms and stepped away from Fred, shaking it out over the grass. Then he leaned over and ran his fingers through his hair several times, knocking out any glass that might have landed there.

Fred watched him, wondering when the last time was that anyone had told Angelus no.

He slipped the shirt back on but didn't button it. "Better?" he asked.

Fred nodded. Any time his chest was showing, it was better. She let her gaze slide slowly down his abs and bit her lip. The back of her neck felt hot.

"You're getting my coat dirty," he pointed out, not sounding thrilled. A chilly breeze blew his shirt back while he frowned down at her, and it suddenly struck her how pale he was, his smooth skin fairly glowing under the moon.

The sight of him that way was unexpectedly revelatory. Fred watched him looking down at her, and it was as if she had never seen him before in her life. Standing still in a field that glistened with dew, his black shirt billowing back in the wind, cold moonlight shining down on his white muscled chest, Angelus looked like a ghost to her, or a god, like some kind of powerful, supernatural thing. For a brief moment, she didn't believe in him.

Fred got up off of the ground, her eyes not leaving his body. The wind picked up, blowing her hair around her face, but she didn't blink. She had this weird feeling that he'd disappear if she looked away. She came toward him slowly and reached out, laid her hand against his chest. She felt him there, cold and solid, and was almost surprised. He glanced down at her hand and then back up at her face, raising an eyebrow.

"Do you not feel the cold?" she asked softly. She stared at her hand touching him.

Dark eyes watched her. "Not the same way you do," he said.

She felt him. He was there, flat muscle beneath her palm, no heartbeat because he wasn’t this body, not the way she was her body. He was real, she knew, but he wasn't like her; he wasn't a person. She imagined her warm hand burning a hole straight through his chest, through the place where his heart would be. She told herself that she needed to remember this, that the man she wanted wasn't a man, that he wasn't a person in the world at all, but something that lived in dark places and didn't feel cold, even while his skin froze her fingers. It felt like an important discovery; it was as if she had known what he was but never really believed it or understood what it meant. She told herself she needed to remember this, but somewhere deep she hoped she would forget, so that the next time she looked at her vampire in the moonlight, she could discover him again.

Her palm slid up his chest as she took a small step closer to him, and she watched her hand as it moved over his body. Her fingers slid beneath the open collar of his shirt, curving around the back of his neck until she felt the short, soft hairs there brushing her fingertips. Her other hand came up to rest on his chest as well. He was cold, still as a stone angel, just watching her.

She slowly tilted her face up to his. Their eyes locked for a moment. Then she leaned forward, closing her eyes, and just barely brushed her lips across his lips before pulling back again to see his reaction.

His expression hadn't changed.

She couldn't read him. His eyes weren't Angel's eyes, and they frustrated her. "Why don't you kiss me?" she asked him.

He finally moved. A large, cold hand came up to her face, brushing her cheek gently before tucking a strand of wind-blown hair behind her ear. Then he leaned down, his mouth close to her ear, and murmured, "You don't mean anything to me."

Fred felt his hands close around her wrists and pull them carefully away from his body. Then she was being pushed back. He was smiling a little. "No one is ever more wrong," he said, "than when they think a vampire gives a damn about them." As he let go of her arms, she thought they felt too heavy; her whole self suddenly felt so heavy, like she might sink down through the ground.

"I do mean something to you," she said quietly. She watched him start to button his shirt. It infuriated her that he was so nonchalant. She wanted to slap him, or scream at him, get some kind of reaction. Her jaw clenched, but she just stood there and watched him do up the buttons. "If I didn't, you'd have killed me already." She said it, but she wasn't sure anymore.

"That has nothing to do with you," he said. "Even if I felt something for you, it would have nothing to do with you. Don't pretend you have any influence over what I do. You're human. You're nothing."

"Then tell me why you're keeping me here!" She had to fight to keep tears from coming. She felt her fists clench, nails digging into her palms. "Fuck me, or kill me, but at least let me know where I stand!"

"I can't remember why I always thought you were so smart," he told her. "I'm obviously using you."

"So use me," Fred demanded. She took a step toward him again, but he stopped her with his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back.

"Slow down, tiger," he said, chuckling. "I know you want my cock, but that's not what I'm using you for." When he let her go this time, she stumbled forward a bit before righting herself. "And no more whiskey for you," he lectured, shaking a finger at her.

She blinked, and tears spilled over both her cheeks. "You don't even care," she murmured defeatedly. "You just don't care." She sniffed hard, rubbing at her eyes. "I hate you," she whispered.

He nodded, looking thoughtful. "But if I wanted you on your knees right now, sucking my dick, you'd do it, wouldn't you Fred? You'd do it if I told you to."

She swallowed. More tears fell. She didn't look at him, but she still murmured, "Yes."

Angelus smiled. "Hopeless and desperate. God, I love that." Without warning, he reached for her and pulled her close, crushing his lips against hers, one hand tangled in her long hair and the other at the small of her back, holding her against him. He kissed her hard, so unexpected that she barely had time to register what was going on and enjoy it before he pulled away, leaning back in quickly to lick a fresh tear from her cheek. Then he smiled at her again, dark eyes shining as he whispered, "You smell delicious."

She just stared at him, her head spinning, her heart beating fast. She could see her breath rising in short puffs between them.

Then, as quickly as he'd grabbed her, he pushed her off and began walking away, back toward the fence at the far end of the field. She swayed a little, staring after him with a hand to her lips. Then she found herself following him again, the cracked orb in the pocket of the coat bouncing against her leg as she walked.

*
tbc

Comments

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

thanks! bipolar dominance is a good way to put it. heh. both of my characters are insane, yay! :D so glad you're liking the story.

[thatotherperv.livejournal.com]

this was great.

and this:
A large, cold hand came up to her face, brushing her cheek gently before tucking a strand of wind-blown hair behind her ear. Then he leaned down, his mouth close to her ear, and murmured, "You don't mean anything to me."
was so perfectly cruelly Angelus, to give her the appearance of tenderness just before he smacked her down and hit her where she lived. and yet, five minutes later he *does* kiss her. hrm... :)

I also liked this:
She told herself she needed to remember this, but somewhere deep she hoped she would forget, so that the next time she looked at her vampire in the moonlight, she could discover him again.
because that's what falling in love feels like, even when you're not doing it with an evil soulless bastard

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

and yet, five minutes later he *does* kiss her.
heh! i guess the difference is that the kiss is totally on his terms, you know? when she tried to get him to kiss her, he wouldn't, and when she had completely given up on it, he did. my angelus is all about the mindfucking. :D

because that's what falling in love feels like, even when you're not doing it with an evil soulless bastard
i've only ever been in love with evil soulless bastards, but it's good to hear that this holds true for everyone. :)

[makd.livejournal.com]

very good interlude, very good insight into both Angelus AND Fred.

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

thanks! i'm really getting into writing those two. i think i'll be updating a little more often now than i have been.

[lostakasha.livejournal.com]

As always, J, I love this series. Lovely interlude! And the orb of Thessala in her pocket...very nice, indeed.

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

thank you! and i like that fred kept the orb too. *does the dance of plottiness* :D

[shapinglight]

This story still scares me at times, even though I'm slowly getting used to the particular madnesses of Fred and Angelus. Boy, you write a mean Angelus. Not sure I've ever read better (well, lots of people write Past Angelus pretty well, but not so many are good at Present Day Angelus).

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

thanks! it's kind of funny that you can get used to a suicidal woman and a vampire on a hellmouth, but i get what you mean. :) i don't think they are quite used to each other yet, though.

i'm so glad you like my angelus. i haven't actually read many present-day angelus stories - expecially long ones. most people seem to write stories where angel suddenly loses his soul and murders cordelia, wesley, gunn, and fred, and then gets his soul back and cries, tearing his hair out, "noooooo, what have i DONE???" the end. and i think it's kinda lame. i think sexymermaid is doing a present-day angelus/xander story, which is longer, but i haven't gotten around to reading it yet.

[shapinglight]

I'm afraid I haven't either but that's the Xander factor, and Jan knows I'm not terribly keen on him, though can take him in small doses along with Spike.

You're right. Very few people write present-day (as seen in season 4 AtS) Angelus. There seems to be a sort of fanon notion that that Angelus (plus the one we saw in BtVS season 2) was mad - mainly because some people see him as being very different to historical flashback Angelus. However, I've never been able to see the inconsistency myself.

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

my last comment didn't make sense. the first part was about xander, the second part was about angelus. i forgot to specify.

also, the main inconsistency between past!angelus and present!angelus to me is the hair.

[shapinglight]

also, the main inconsistency between past!angelus and present!angelus to me is the hair.

Oh, yes! There is absolutely no doubt that Present Angelus has better hair (see icon).

[cafedemonde.livejournal.com]

Gosh I love this. I find myself rereading the lines over and over because there is so much that you say in what is not said. Subtly is an art and only a few get it. You get it.

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

thanks so much! it's great to hear that you're enjoying this story. i shall continue to be subtle, just for you. :D

Excellant

[athenewolfe.livejournal.com]

I love this fic - fab update so so wonderful!

Re: Excellant

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

thank you! this is the best kind of feedback. :D

[spankspike.livejournal.com]

He nodded, looking thoughtful. "But if I wanted you on your knees right now, sucking my dick, you'd do it, wouldn't you Fred? You'd do it if I told you to."

She swallowed. More tears fell. She didn't look at him, but she still murmured, "Yes."

I loved that. I'm impressed that Fred doesn't bother to lie - now if Angelus will just give her a little taste.

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

i loved that too! *mary-sues fred like crazy and hopes no one notices* :D

teasing/denying pleasure is a huge kink of mine so there's no telling when fred will get her taste. but if/when it happens, it will be spectacular! because dude, i've built it up way too much. *headdesk*

[rudemuchness.livejournal.com]

Awe! I feel so bad for fred in the fic. You've got Angelus down so perfect it's scary. And I'm very immune to that type of thing (escpecially sense I've always found Angelus more annoying than scary) yet it gives me chills the way you describe him, and the dialogue, wow! I'm having a serious love affair with this piece. =D

Good work! Good work!

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

thank you! thank you! :D

i feel kind of sorry for fred because of the way he treats her, but at the same time i'm like... she brought it on herself, you know? and i heart angelus HARD. he's the sexiest evil dead guy EVA! *squishes him*

Re: Amazing

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

wow, i'm thrilled that you like my story so much! and i really appreciate the comment. i was actually just working on the next part when i stopped to check my email, and there it was. :D the hardest thing about writing fanfic is keeping the characters in character, so it's great to hear that a reader thinks they are. thank you. :)

and welcome to livejournal!

[-normal-girl-.livejournal.com]

*friends you* Loved this so much I might even love your slash and I am soooo not into slash!

p.s. I think everyone who writes fred, me included, mary sues her a bit. She was not the strongest character on the show so its so easy to do. My Fred is a flirt who smokes and drinks, yeah not really loyal to canon but I think I got most people fooled.

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

yay, a friend! :) i like slash better than het. *blushes* i'm all over the spangel pairing like a rash, but i'm pretty sure they're the only couple you'll ever see me slashing in my journal. everything else is het. i've only written explicit het once (although this story will eventually go there) and that was angel/kate. ...i don't know what's with me and noncanonical pairings.

i'm so happy you like this story. :)

i think it's really easy to mary-sue fred, easier than with any other character probably (although it seems to happen to spike a lot). don't tell anyone, but i think i chose fred for this story because i felt like i could get away with projecting more with her character than with anyone else. heh.

[emu-04.livejournal.com]

Okay. I got a confession to make.

I've read this fic before...about 20 million times or so...and I've never reviewed. Basically cause I'm one of those annoying people who read...and...never review. Sorry.

But now I gotta say something...This fic is one of the most addictive ones out there. It's awesome. Your characterisation is perfect and the interaction between Fred and Angelus is incredibly believable.

Be proud. I'm sure you are anyway :)

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

haha, don't worry, i'm one of those annoying people too. i just read a buttload of amazing supernatural fanfic last night and didn't leave one comment. *is ashamed*

thank you! if i've got people who never comment coming out to comment on my story, i feel like i must be on to something here. :) i'm so glad you like my story. and don't worry - as soon as i finish what i'm working on right now, i'm coming back to this story and not writing anything else until i complete it. thanks again for the comment! :D

The Best

[flyingcranes.livejournal.com]

This is the best Angel fic I have ever read. I love the way Angelus is abusive then caring, and Fred just kind of takes whatever he gives her. I certainly don't think I'm the only one obsessed with this story. Thanks so much for the great read!

Re: The Best

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

thank you so much! i'm really sorry that i don't have more of this story posted yet - although i do have the next few chapters written already. i'm waiting until the whole thing is finished to begin posting again, which is why the thing is on hiatus. but i really appreciate your feedback! :)

[pyroamedaus.livejournal.com]

I wish I could be clever and funny and charismatic enough to make you update this fic, but I'm fairly sure I don't have that much good stuff in me.

I wants more, I normally hate het (mostly because the word 'pussy' makes me think of cats, not matter how much I read, and that's an image I never want to see. Who wants to see Angelus doing it with Fluffy? Not me. Ewww.) However you're so full of awesome and cool and broken, fragmented fantasticness that I'm all voer this fic like it rained pyro-goo.

I know it's on hiatus, but if you could find it in your sick, twisted beautiful little mind to update this, I would...do...something...drastic and positive. I'm not sure what. Loves. So much loves.

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

oh, i hate that word too! although i have to say that i would read about angelus doing it with *anything*. :D

i'm really glad that you liked what i've posted so far of this story. i do in fact have the next few chapters written, but i'm not going to be posting them until i'm done writing the whole fic, so i can update on a regular basis and people won't lose interest - as opposed to updating once every couple of months after everyone has forgotten what happened in the previous chapter, you know? i DO promise i'll finish this fic eventually, though! if you want to make sure you'll find out about it when i finally update, you can track my entries tagged "broken" and you'll get an email. of course, by that time you might have forgotten what this story is... heh.

i really appreciate the feedback, even though this fic's on hiatus. knowing people will be interested when i start posting again is inspiring. :)

[pyroamedaus.livejournal.com]

We will so interested. ::inspire...INSPIRE:: Or I could just...you know..stalk you're journal to see if you update anything.
I love your Fred. I loved Fred in general, but your Fred is just so...adorable and wanting and snuggable...and hurtable for that matter . Love.
If I should friend you would you accept so I could a.) be friends with you and b.) Know when you update c.) read all those tempting flocked posts?

[strawberrytatoo.livejournal.com]

*sighs* When I noticed this story about an hour ago, and saw it was on hiatus, I almost didn't read it. But after the first few sentences, I was addicted.

GUH.

I have such a kink for present day Angelus, the mindfucks and just how cruel he is, and you wrote him so incredibly well I got chills. Like the first time she wakes up to him jerking off (Hot flash like whoa) and he goes "Wanna know what I was thinking about? Not you." I had to read it a few more times. Just...perfection.

Actually, if I'm gonna single out everything I like about this fic, I'll end up c/p the whole thing, I'm so retarded in love with it. So in love with it in fact, that it was worth it, reading it even though it's on hiatus.

I've never really considered Fred/Angelus, but you made me fall in love with it, how totally fucked up it is.

Funny thing is, I was on my way to read Friday (finally!) but I got distracted by this.

Is this the longest fangirl feedback ever? I think it is :P

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

thank you so much! i'm proud like whoa that you liked it - and i'm very sorry that i don't have more of it posted so you could see what happens next. these first few parts are barely even the beginning of the epic fic i plan to write... i've got the next few chapters written, but i'm not going to start posting them until i'm done writing the whole thing. but i will finish though! and when i do, i really hope that you'll come back and read it.

i had never read any fred/angelus stories until i started writing this, but i agree - the fuckedupness of that pairing is just SO wonderful that it's hard not to start craving them once you've had a taste, you know? (i have a kink for present-day angelus too.) :) i'm looking forward to finishing this story - especially since i know there are still people interested!

[beccers4469.livejournal.com]

Oh man oh man! This is an excellent story! Really well written. Can't wait for more:D

[girlpire.livejournal.com]

thanks so much! i appreciate all the comments you left on it. i'll definitely be finishing this story at some point. :)

[beccers4469.livejournal.com]

Sweet:D

[snogged.livejournal.com]

*drops to her knees and busts out the puppy dog eyes and pouty lip*

Please post more of this!

Even if it's just a chapter.

I really don't care.

This story's making me feel fractured and desperate...just like Fred

[ambzoo.livejournal.com]

I'm so in love with this story it might be criminal. You have Angelus down pat...creepy and evil and cruel and freakin' HOT!

You make me embarrassed to want to be Fred.

But I love it. :-D

Great Story.

[spuffyaddict.livejournal.com]

Another awesome chapter. But now there is no more. :( I really hope you're going to post more of this fic. I would love to see how it plays out.

[cmyundies-09.livejournal.com]

So I am not above begging for you to finish this story. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE with diamonds and bags of money on top.

[hazmatica.livejournal.com]

This is epic and omfg it's amazing. Can't wait for a conclusion some day :)